So like I say, Rick and I just got back from Vienna. I have to say that traveling with the boy is a completely unique experience. He’s willing to go to palaces and to the opera as long as we can also check out the collection of medical oddities on the outskirts of town. But whatever we see, he always has a verdict that catches me off guard.
A few days ago we saw Roberto Devereaux at the Vienna Staatsoper. Great opera, retarded production. You could practically hear the director thinking: “It’s definitely about Queen Elizabeth, so I can’t just set it on Mars like usual. But period is so dull, dull, dull. I’ve got it! The main characters will wear Elizabethan costume. But the CHORUS will wear bowler hats and suits! They’ll stand around with creepily, like a bunch of narcs going to a Magritte costume party. And we’ll set it in …in…a parking garage! It’s brilliant!” The opera’s final image was a three-story clear plastic sculpture of Queen Elizabeth, all lit up like a Rite Aid Santa Claus, which rattled and lurched towards the alarmed front row.
Rick’s verdict: It reminded me of playing pinball when I was little. You know, you have those favorite games. And my favorite game was Pinbot. I got really good at it, and I scored a lot. Then they came out with Bride of Pinbot.
Sarah: Wait, why did this remind you of pinball?
Rick: The big statue at the end. Bride of Pinbot. That’s all I could think about.
The next day we went to the Imperial Treasury to see the Hapsburgs’ crown jewels. Highlights: the crown of the Holy Roman Empire, the spear that poked Jesus on the cross, and a 9-foot tall Unicorn Horn. Not to mention a fuckoff amount of gold and jewels, the type of jewels that have names.
Rick’s verdict: To tell you the truth, I just kept thinking about Santo Gold.
Sarah: Wait, what’s Santo Gold?
Rick: He was this 80’s conman who figured out a way to gold-plate things. He started a company called Santo Gold that sold gold-plated chains. He made all these cheap late-night infomercials for Santo Gold. Then he spent 2 million dollars to make a movie about Santo Gold. He wrote it, directed it, and starred in it, as rock star Santo Gold, who sings the theme song, entitled the “Santo Gold Theme Song.”
Sarah: What was the plot?
Rick: Well no one’s ever seen it. I don't think it ever got into movie theaters. But it was called Blood Circus and apparently it was a “science fiction comedy” about wrestling.
Interested? So was I. Don’t you love how you can find anything on You Tube?
The Hapsburg Treasury and Santo Gold: you know, without Rick I never would have made that connection.
4 months ago